on a cheerier note

i’ve been buying a lot of earrings online again.

partly cos i’m bored, partly cos i’m depressed, partly cos i think i really like earrings. but it makes me a lot happier when the earrings arrive in the mail. then i’ll start wondering which design lies within the envelope.

it’s a delicious feeling ripping open the bubble wraps, taking them out and trying them on. while planning when to start wearing them and which clothes to wear to match the earrings. my life is starting to revolve around earrings.

sounds bimbotic, eh?

but i do wish the earrings sites which i visit update their stock more often. i need mooooore earrings.

oh yes, happy public holiday.

i think i wouldn’t even switch on the tv today. i hate watching tv on national day.

and i hope ndp will be sweet for some out there. *winks

the roots of depression #1256

i’m sorry to the people who messaged me or called me on monday, only to get no replies till yesterday. i switched off my phone cos i was in no mood to repeat the stories of what happened and what i plan to do.what has happened so far, for the benefit of those who are still unenlightened, is that the university which i applied to emailed me on friday night to tell me that the design course which i want to do so much, will only be offered in march 2008.

i went down to their representative office on monday to check it out, and the lady told me in a very unfeeling manner that yes, the enrolment is too low to start a class and thus the course has been scheduled to start in 2008 instead.

meaning i wouldn’t even know about it if i hadn’t bothered to ask them what had happened. they didn’t even send an email or letter to inform the applicants. and they weren’t in the least sorry for their negligence to do so. and totally bochup about what will happen to applicants like me, who have planned their next few years around the course.

so i switched off my phone, took a very long walk and went to do a little shopping. a movie alone, too.

till now, i still haven’t decided what to do.

with the course rescheduled to start in 2008 and changed from a three year course to a four year course, it means i’ll be graduating at the age of 28 years if i do take up the course. which means i start my career very, very late. there’s bound to be a lot of lost opportunities and experience.

plus, what will i do in that additional year of waiting? i’ve told my admin head and boss that i can stay till march next year and i don’t think i’ll quit before that. i feel bound to the promise, cos my admin head will be going on maternity leave end of this month till end of this year and it’ll be irresponsible to go back on my words.

i don’t want to hang around doing admin work for another year till march 2008, even though my admin head cheerfully tried to convince me to do so when i updated her on my latest application crisis. she’s truly concerned about my application to the university, not because she hopes that it’ll fall through so i can stay with them, but because she wishes me the best too.

coming back to the thing about lost opportunities, i’ve already lost some. with the late email coming from the damned university, it’s already a little too late to change where i will be till march 2007. for instance, i could have been out looking for a real marketing job, even though i hate interviews and job searches. it means a lost opportunity of two years of marketing experience, whether or not i want to pursue the design degree in 2008.

i haven’t told my family about this either, cos i don’t think i’ll like their reactions very much. they don’t understand how much this design degree means to me. while they want the best for me, my parents don’t understand something called dreams.

maybe i’m just impractical.

for some time i thought it’ll be a happy ending. i’ll get to pursue my dreams and do what i really want. it seemed so magical that the right course turned up at the right place (local) at the right time. i’m laughing at my naive thoughts now. i thought it was difficult to decide on doing the course and it took a lot of determination and guts. so much that i took more than half a year to really decide on the course. now i know, it takes a hell lot more guts to face the crisis now and the next decision is much more difficult to make.

it’s mentally exhausting, having to make difficult decisions again and again.

i think i’ll announce my plans when i’ve made my decisions. till then, don’t ask me what i’m going to do, cos i have zero ideas about it.