Monthly Archive

a pleasant shopping trip is when i find two daniel yam dresses at $88. not $88 for each dress, but $88 for both dresses. i wouldn’t have gone for daniel yam cos everyone wears daniel yam dresses but hell, they were very cheap sale items and i’m damn broke. now i’m just praying that no one wears the same dresses as me on sunday.

maybe i’ll put up the pictures of the dresses some time soon just to make everyone jealous of my accidental finds.

the happiness of finding two cheap dresses was enough to offset the frustration and embarrassment of walking around in flip flops with a broken strap. still i walked two rounds around vivo and went down the escalator before i finally settled for a new pair of heels.

right, that’s enough financial damage done for the time being. gotta start working hard again to earn back those hard-earned money.

the ktv-drinking session which has been planned for a long time almost went down the drain. simply because it could be risky, with my dad spending slightly more time at home lately.

but christmas eve is christmas eve, the last day of work is the last day of work, a need to destress is a need to destress and an alcohol craving is an alcohol craving.

i sang, people. i sang, in front of others. tis a milestone in my life. ktv-drinking sessions are pretty effective in relieving stress.

so yeah, i drank more beer than usual and didn’t get high at all, damn. my goal for tonight was to at least get high but i got a little dizzy halfway towards the end of the last glass so the rational me stopped drinking. it’s one thing to stay out late but a totally different thing to end up drunk.

fortunately the boss sprayed some fragrance on me before sending us home. with some luck my clothes wouldn’t smell like alcohol.

right, i’m glad everything’s under control for now. except for the digestive system. though it’s a lot better than the other times i drank, i’m releasing a lot of gas. not so good.

i need more merry training, haha.

a merry christmas to everyone out there.

i’m all ready for 2008 and i’m keeping all my fingers and toes twisted, praying really hard that next year would be fantastic one. i’ve had enough crap this year and i’m not gonna bring it along with me to 2008. no, these ghosts from 2007 shall haunt me no more.

i hate it when there’s tension in the family. dinner today was more or less silent.  since i couldn’t make peace i concentrated on eating my food without speaking.

i need to go for some alcohol to destress. sometimes it can be freaking stressful being part of the family.

sometimes it’s dangerous to go out with people who never had curfews in their life. my parents never imposed a concrete curfew on us, but it’s understood that we shouldn’t stay out too late too often. yeah, the main thing is, to plan properly and stay out late without my dad’s knowledge.

i was all ready to be a good kid who would return home right after work yesterday. but i was persuaded to turn up at the ex-company’s gathering at the bowling alley and because i have weak determination, i went. i even highlighted to the neighbour in black and the admin head that i had to return home early cos i had no money for cab fares.

tragically i was stopped from going home after their bowling game which ended at midnight. instead i was whisked to the usual drinking place to catch up and drink. we ended when the pub closed and walked for half an hour to esplanade so that i could catch the night rider bus. yes, the bloody bus that goes from esplanade to havelock road to orchard to tekka to bukit timah to bukit batok and finally, jurong west.

that was when my admin head took off her heels and walked barefooted. not because she was drunk, but because her heels were making weird noises after tripping on them once when we were still on our way to the pub.

in the end our long walk to esplanade was wasted cos the admin head’s dad who was a cab driver sent us all home so that we could get home earlier and not waste money on expensive cab fares. a super nice person he was.

so i reached home at 4am after dropping them at toa payoh and sembawang, totally tired out and regretting the last minute decision to turn up.

7am this morning, thinking to myself: damn it, why am i feeling so damn tired when the sky is already bright? oh shoot, i’ve only had 3 hours of sleep, that’s why. right, nice rainy weather for me to sleep in.

and it’s now 2pm.

because i love myself very much i shall post the only picture i’ll post of myself with the cute straight bangs hair. the bangs were a little messed up in this picture cos i couldn’t care less and cos seahyiyi sneakily took this picture while i was trying to destress from a conversation with the boss, who was a stranger to me at that time.

yah lah yah lah, my face very the big and round but to the hell with it. i’ve resigned to that fact. if i’m gonna post only pretty pictures of myself, there will never be any picture.

and today, a regular favourite customer of mine was awed by my new hair! she showed her extremely strong preference for the “new” hairstyle and i was pretty amused. i guess it’s really new and cool from her point of view but this is so usual for myself and people who have known me for some time. after all, i’ve had this hairstyle for almost three years.

the favourite customer squealed in excitement when she saw the earrings and we started talking about online shopping and earrings like nobody’s business. it’s a great feeling knowing my earrings are seen and admired cos it was one of the reasons why i chopped off the excess hair in the first place.

it’s customers like that that brightens up my day.

i know there are terrible bitches out there. i understand that they’re probably there to make me feel like a saint. i just hate it when i have to interact with these bitches.

this bitch of a tenant came by yesterday and kicked up a HUGE fuss about the free gifts which have run out, cos they were limited to the first 1,000 customers. everyone knows and understands it’s on a first-come-first-serve basis and after they run out, too bad for the remaining customers. she thought we were mistreating her customers cos “they spend (sic) so much money and they don’t get anything!” i really wanted to tell her, “then you can bloody hell provide your own free gifts for your own customers! this promotion is for all customers, you think your customers very special ah?!” of course i didn’t cos i was in no position to do so.

she then went on to whine (on her embarrassed customer’s behalf) that the instant dip results were all “thank you for your participation” and her customer had to go off empty-handed. i think i rolled my eyes at her idea of the management being able to get an endless stream of prizes to do a sure-win instant dip or something. interestingly, she wasn’t one of the tenants who had sponsored prizes. oh well.

it’s amazing how she tried to frighten me by telling me she would speak to the management about this. i wouldn’t be so worried about the management getting wind of it, but i was wondering if the excuses i came up with would get my boss into hot soup. thanks to modern technology we’re all safe, i think.

there were a couple of bitchy, irritating customers as well but they were mild compared to the witch tenant.

these kind of meet-all-types-of-people jobs can be really addictive even though those unreasonable people drive me up the wall sometimes. still, i tolerate cos it’s character building and damn it, i really feel like a saint next to these people.

i don’t think i can hold out any much longer. i want to just let go of my emotions and cry if i have to, but i can’t. it’s as if i’ve forgotten how to cry. maybe it’s too strong a habit of mine to hold everything in and hang on there till things straighten out.

i have no idea what i’ll do once i reach the breaking point. i know for sure i wouldn’t be confiding in anyone soon. i know for sure i won’t blog about what’s bugging me. i don’t want to try and figure things out cos the more i think about it, the worse it gets. it’s worse at night cos it’s pretty quiet at night and i start thinking. there’s only that many things i can distract myself with and once i lie down on my bed, it starts to haunt me again. which is why i have to completely tire myself out before attempting to sleep. or, down two of the powerful anti-nausea pills for travel motion cos they knock me out in half an hour.

once again, avoiding the issue might be the solution but it’s hard. i suppose it’ll get better when i leave for the next semester. i miss the inner peace i usually have down under, so much that i felt this painful urge last night. the challenge is remaining unaffected. for once, it’s no thanks to technology.

am i supposed to bravely hang on for another two months?

the kind suffocation that i’m experiencing, is it normal?

i had every intention to take one picture of my hair before i went to chop it off. it would serve as a memory in future when i reminisce about “the time i had cute, straight bangs”. unfortunately i returned home late last night with my mascara badly smudged and was obviously in no condition for a picture. the haircut appointment was pretty early this morning so my hair was barely dry before i left the house.

there goes, i have almost no evidence of that hairstyle.

i had a love-hate relationship with that hairstyle. in a way, it was easier cos i didn’t have to style it. but the straight bangs always went out of place and i had to have a comb with me at all times. bad hair days would also make me look like some mushroom head. to avoid bad hair days, my hair had to be totally dry before i went to sleep and man, despite the short length, my hair is thick enough to piss me off while waiting for it to dry. having that hairstyle also meant that i needed to have smooth, silky hair, and i didn’t. it was a painful experience looking in the mirror on bad hair days.

my spikes (again!) require styling. which means i have to wash my hair a lot more often to get rid of the hair wax, bah. but messed-up hair also means less bad hair days and tadah, no more combs!

it’s such a joyous occasion today.

i made my first blood donation today!! wheeeee!

i’ve always wanted to donate blood but they just didn’t conduct those blood donation drives anywhere near me. so there was this donation drive at raffles place mrt today and cos i was on my way to bugis during my break, i dropped by.

i was very much amused by their persistence in having me do certain things. like how the lady at the registration counter insisted i should wear the first-time donor sticker on my blouse “so that the nurses would be kind and more gentle with me”. it made me wonder if they would be violent and fierce if i didn’t do so. then the uncle persisted in having me sit down to drink a packet of milo before i left even though i had already rested for a while. all i really wanted to do was to head for bugis.

i was also very amused by the little pump that they gave me and which was used during the blood donation process. quite cute what. the needle wasn’t so funny though. i saw the suspicious plastic thingy which could only mean one thing - a big fat needle hidden within. so i asked the lady in alarm if it would hurt more than the first injection of painkiller. thank goodness it didn’t hurt.

this bandaging guy rested my arm against his tummy while he was bandaging the elbow area despite my discomfort. but i let it go cos he was obviously new at his job. the first time he bandaged my arm, there were gaps between the tight rounds of bandaging and lumps of my surplus flesh appeared between the gaps. i didn’t have the heart to ask him to re-bandage it when he asked if it was fine but he did re-bandage it when his colleague walked by and saw the ugliness of the bandaging.

the next time round i’ll ask for the coloured bandages. they’re so much cooler! but then again, that’s if those blood donation drives appear anywhere near me. the process is quite fun after all. besides, the blood donation people are really nice and friendly!

in less than a week i’ve turned from the most manly female friend the msian can ever have into a clingy, whinny, temperamental cow, something like a chao gu niang experiencing PMS. it’s driving me crazy too, cos i have this weird habit of forcing myself to behave like how i usually do despite the internal turmoils. the mood swings are killing me, really.

i need plenty of me-time and coffee sessions to think and break away from the whirlpool. fact is, i only have 3.5 hours to myself and it’s constantly interrupted by demanding shoppers who want to know why the redemption booth isn’t open throughout the day.

even during the 4 hours when the booth is opened, i feel like snapping at the customers and go, “go away, don’t disturb me just for the sake of redeeming that bloody notebook!” fortunately there’s only one and a half weeks to go before the christmas redemption ends.

i don’t know. too many complicated things to explain.

maybe it’s just me making every single thing complicated. just like how i’m torn between chopping my hair off to return to longer spikes or to retain this straight-bangs hairstyle.

sometimes i wish i lead a boring life and with no difficult choices to make.

i was reading crime and punishment the other day and there was some quote from someone saying something like humans are always scared to try something new. or something like that, just let me find that again in a couple of days’ time.

coincidentally i think i found another side of me and i’m kinda frightened to know that it exists. it was already difficult making the comparatively easy choice to further studies instead of working like the rest of the world and now, i’ve found something deeper, darker and scarier.

i hate things which i can’t figure out. i hope it’s just a novelty and would go away soon. otherwise, i’ll be in deep shit for a really long time.

*****

i can’t stand rainy weather on working days. cos to use the free wireless network, i have to sit right under the air vents at the redemption booth. this position is almost the only place where the reception is reasonably strong and stable. but it’s no joke enduring the super strong wind for hours when the weather is already cool and windy. it bloody hell dries out my contact lensed eyes too.

i have to keep reminding myself not to play with fire. i don’t want to be burnt, i don’t want others to be hurt.

life’s pretty good and stable now and i shouldn’t be doing anything to jeopardize it, especially totally crazy things. i can’t afford to give up what i already have now.

i don’t like the way some people assume too much when they don’t even know me well. that’s why i seldom tell acquaintances much about myself. there’s this work mate who very nearly pissed me off big time but again, i had to remain nice and diplomatic cos after all, i will need to work with him for another three weeks.

out of the blue we happened to talk about my choice of university in australia and i explained i didn’t spend a lot of time choosing cos it was an impulsive decision to further studies. so he conveniently made a few far-fetched links and assumed i’m an “ah sia kia”, which was wrong in many ways. first, “kia” refers to a male kid and that does not apply to me, thank you very much. secondly, i am darn sure i haven’t been behaving like an “ah sia” recently. it didn’t occur to him that my current place of residence is not reflective of my upbringing or financial status. besides, it’s not as if i live in the swanky town areas or something.

then he went on to assume that i took up this 4-hours-per-day job cos i wanted a slack lifestyle and blah blah blah. all of which were untrue and i have no idea how he derived the links. can’t there be other reasons for taking up this part-time job instead of a 9-to-5 job? he declared my status as an “ah sia kia” right in front of another person.

i was pissed but i didn’t want to explain myself cos each explanation would take too much time and i had to serve the customers on and off. besides, there’s no point in explaining cos i don’t need him to understand me. it just irks me that there’s a lot of such assuming people around.

it’s the worst case when colleagues assume that and therefore judge my work standards according to their inaccurate assumptions. which is why i always try to maintain a low profile about myself but like what we say in chinese, “paper cannot be used be contain fire” and somehow, it’s always these assuming people who know about it first.

still, this serves as a timely reminder to myself to stop judging people i don’t know well.

i wasn’t so sure before taking up this part-time job, but now i know singaporeans are suckers for instant dips and lucky draws. most come with this look of anticipation because they know there’s a lucky draw. i do things step by step and get them to choose a colour for the notebook they get to redeem with $80 purchase. then they give me this disappointed look, cos they thought “got lucky draw one”.

then i get them to do the instant dip and some of them are so excited i really wonder why. most people assume the whole box is filled with “thank you for participation” notes, which i swear is untrue. the luckiest shopper had five instant dip chances and she won a prize for each dip. that’s my idol.

those who really, really love lucky draws and yet not win anything in the instant dip are momentarily gloomy until i ask them to fill up the coupons for the grand draw. that brings a smile to their faces again. it might be some chinese thing to love lucky draws cos all other races seem a lot more calm. unfortunately the chinese are the same group of people who complain about lousy gifts when what the booth offers are far better than the worst lucky dip i’ve seen.

there’s this rather cute nutcracker thing which is one of the prizes. i hate to tell shoppers they’ve won a nutcracker in the lucky dip, cos they always ask “i’ve won a WHAT?!” so i have to explain to them a nutcracker is a device to crack nuts and show them the lever at the back of the figurine nutcracker and where to put the nut and why it might not work perfectly cos it’s more of a decoration than a real nutcracker.

there are all kinds of people here - the irritatingly atas shentonite who thinks they’re a level above everyone else, the typical office lady with pretty manicures, businessmen who look embarrassed they’re actually doing these redemption and lucky dip stuff, auntie shoppers with kids in tow, rich tai-tais, etc.etc.

there were these kids who were so irritating i really wanted to glare at them. i restrained myself cos it was working hours and i gotta remain professional, eh? there are also plenty of fussy and demanding office ladies who whine like nobody’s business when i tell them the purple and pink notebooks are out of stock. there are the crazy working ladies who behave like how i would with my friends and they can be pretty entertaining at times. of course, there’s plenty of nice, normal people over here.

there are always people who approach the booth when it’s closed and ask me if i could just make an exception and let them redeem their stuff even though it’s non opening hours. they get pissed when i tell them the booth is only open during lunch time and after office hours. so now i tell them everything’s locked in the cupboards and my boss has the key. and to those shoppers who ask if they can have the purple and pink notebooks in the display cabinet, i can’t let them have those cos the display cabinet is locked and my boss has the key. i think it’s pretty smart of me cos they have no idea who is my boss, they wouldn’t raise hell at me or the boss and they actually think i would help them, if only i had the keys. yeah right.

they just don’t know i don’t even bat an eyelid when conning people.

i’m sure my boss wouldn’t blame me for using this excuse cos she’s a nice boss and pretty cool about most things, yay. so nice that she let me work without wearing the silly christmas hat even though i was all ready to wear that with a pained soul. when i asked her if i could help her with anything, cos i was so bored, she told me i could switch on my laptop and play games if there are no customers. boss like that, where to find?

this sums up the generally happy career i have for the time being.

say hi to me if you drop by change alley, i’ll be “that girl at the redemption counter” until christmas eve.

for the past few nights i’d go to sleep thinking that i’ll wake up fit as a fiddle again.

yesterday i woke up at 5am and felt like puking. the malaysian karaoke girl (royally named by rama) asked me if i could stop saying that i feel like puking each time just before i meet her. then i survived the invigilation pretty well and went home with the intention of catching a quick nap before the dinner. it was not to be cos i had barely slept for 15 minutes before my mum rushed me into getting ready. sheesh.

the dinner, organised by the clan association my dad belongs to, was long and boring. they had those getai singers performing and there was one who was particularly bad at making conversation on stage:

performer: it’s so touching to see the clan association celebrate its 70th anniversary!

host: blahblahblah

performer: oh, i am so touched to see your [host] long, toned arms!

siao one lah, the performer. and there was this 15 year old performer who had such a mature voice it was scary. she was belting out all the old hokkien songs with such melodrama the scene was quite wrong. she’s only 15 years old, for heaven’s sake!

my dad and i must have been infected by someone from dinner, cos we’re down with colds now. fantastic way to wrap up the dry and scratchy throat and the on-and-off fever.

i think i die-die also have to turn up for work tomorrow too. the “boss” was saying she’ll busy this week with other stuff and it wouldn’t be nice taking sick leave and leaving all the work there. i think it’s a lesser evil to infect the smelly shentonites who i interact with. more about my new calefare job and the shentonites another day.