i don’t think i can hold out any much longer. i want to just let go of my emotions and cry if i have to, but i can’t. it’s as if i’ve forgotten how to cry. maybe it’s too strong a habit of mine to hold everything in and hang on there till things straighten out.

i have no idea what i’ll do once i reach the breaking point. i know for sure i wouldn’t be confiding in anyone soon. i know for sure i won’t blog about what’s bugging me. i don’t want to try and figure things out cos the more i think about it, the worse it gets. it’s worse at night cos it’s pretty quiet at night and i start thinking. there’s only that many things i can distract myself with and once i lie down on my bed, it starts to haunt me again. which is why i have to completely tire myself out before attempting to sleep. or, down two of the powerful anti-nausea pills for travel motion cos they knock me out in half an hour.

once again, avoiding the issue might be the solution but it’s hard. i suppose it’ll get better when i leave for the next semester. i miss the inner peace i usually have down under, so much that i felt this painful urge last night. the challenge is remaining unaffected. for once, it’s no thanks to technology.

am i supposed to bravely hang on for another two months?

the kind suffocation that i’m experiencing, is it normal?