Warning: You know it’s gonna be a long and whiny and emotional post when I start talking about leaving Australia.

It’s been one and a half years.

When I first came over, I came with a lot of anticipation and worry. Anticipation because I would get to spend 1.5 years alone, living by myself and having a lot of freedom. I knew that I would enjoy the stay here because I was going to do something I had chosen to do, instead of being forced into the workforce like everyone else. Besides, I’ve always wanted to study overseas. But I was also worried because I only had a week to look for suitable accomodation and I didn’t know a single soul over here. It was freaking scary.

I had a hard time convincing myself this place would be all right. My eyes nearly fell out of their sockets when the plane landed at the Canberra “International” Airport because for as far as I could see, the whole place was in a shade of ugly brown. I had another scare because the motel I was booked at for the first week was located at the border of Canberra’s civilization and it was surrounded by bushes and grassland browned by the summer heat. There was a bus passing by the motel every hour and it travelled along a wide, deserted road before weaving through a few quiet little suburbs. But I thought the suburbs were sweet little places and I didn’t mind if I had to live in one.

Then I moved into a suburb near the city. While it wasn’t exactly a sweet little suburb, it appeared to be kind of deserted at first. Recently, I met a classmate on the bus while I was heading home. Just before I alighted, she commented, “This place….(looks around) doesn’t look like there are any buildings nearby”. I chuckled and told her it’s just a 5 minute walk from the main roads. It amused me because I had the exact same thoughts when I first came. When I was checking out the place, I froze when I was along the main road because it was lined by a thick patch of tall trees and the ubiquitous bushes. It was as if I would be living next to a mini forest. For someone who grew up in a concrete forest, this sight was frightening.

I don’t know if I would ever be back in Canberra but I know if I do return, there would be a lot of things that will have changed. In my 1.5 years here, they replaced a huge carpark I used to cut across daily with a shiny block of student living quarters. Over a single weekend when I was away in Sydney attending the brother’s graduation, they bulldozed yet another carpark which was the alternative shortcut I had adopted and I have no idea what they’re building there.

After I leave they’ll be demolishing the outdated bus interchange where the neighbourhood mall is and a new bus interchange would be built. They recently repainted the interchange in the corporate colours of the bus company, bright orange and bright green. The place now looks like some kind of kindergarten bus bay.

The bus interchange and the adjacent carpark of the shopping mall freaked me out the first time I saw them. Yeah, I spent my first two weeks here totally freaked out. These two places looked extremely gloomy and dangerous with all the dirty-looking concrete and vandalism. After a couple of weeks I realised they were one of the bigger bus interchanges and shopping malls in Canberra.

The ulu-ness of this place doesn’t scare me that much anymore, it’s kind of refreshing because there are no skyscrapers over here. Sure, I get bored because the nightlife is pathetic (unless I want to spend all my time clubbing and I really don’t) and there isn’t much to do around here. I spend each semester meditating and reflecting, ha. That’s because each time I leave Singapore I bring along with me a lot of issues which I would straighten out here.

I grew to love Canberra and it’s not a good thing. Like I’ve mentioned before, it’s painful having to give up either Singapore or Canberra when I love both places equally much. I’m bringing a lot back with me this time. I’ve gained experiences and knowledge, there are a lot of new thoughts and my mind is a lot lighter than when i came. If I ever hit a difficult time again, I only have to tell myself I survived 1.5 years of being alone, I went through certain anguishes without anyone by my side and yet managed to graduate (hopefully). Besides, I survived stats ;-). Therefore I can handle anything in my life, no?

Oh well, I guess this marks the end of quiet days and peaceful living. It’s hard to say this, but goodbye for now, my second home. I know I’ll miss you lots.