Category Archive

There are miracles in the world because I received a call this morning requiring me to turn up for a second interview tomorrow. It’s totally unexpected because I was stuttering when the interviewer asked for my hands-on experience during internship. To date, this is the only organization that has shown interest in me, damn it.

I seriously hope I don’t screw up tomorrow. There’s not much time for me to weave recall more convincing stories about internship if I want to get some decent sleep tonight. I’m just hoping they’re not gonna harp on work experience tomorrow, I might drown.

I’m also hoping I wouldn’t have the wild look of a lunatic in my eyes tomorrow. All these travel coordination and planning for the graduation trip back to Australia are getting on my nerves. I have to handle everything by myself because in this family, the father pays, the loafers arrange. Yes, that’s me, a loafer. I know, I know. If I can’t handle travel arrangements for three people, how can I possibly handle multiple projects at work right? The real problem is the tight deadline for this trip.

I’ve been procrastinating most of the arrangements because hell, what if I didn’t make it for the final semester? Now that the results have been released, everything has been a crazy whirlwind. Yes, I’ll be flying this Friday, which is like, tomorrow, as I type past midnight. I now see the wisdom of my brother’s school in having the convocations months after the end of the semester.

Good luck to me, I need a smooth journey and a job real bad.

I’ve been spending an unhealthy amount of time at home since my return. I guess it was due to the ridiculous weather. I was out in the Clarke Quay area the other night and according to the companions, it wasn’t a particularly warm night but I just melted in the heat. I glared at them when they contemplated hanging out at one of the outdoor pubs. We ended up having iced drinks at McDonald’s and man, was it cooling.

Anyway, I have had enough of lazing around at home. It’s time to take a walk out there with my camera or something, but I’m supposed to start packing the luggage for the graduation. or something Damn, I hate packing luggages. Besides, I’ve almost gotten used to the weather here and I’m heading back for the freezing cold and then returning to hot, humid weather again? Let’s see how well my body can adjust to extreme temperature differences, yah?

Hmm, can’t decide where I should go tomorrow if I have the time.

Time just passes by without me noticing. I guess it’s what happens when a person has nothing to do every day. I finally bagged a decent interview and it’s the first interview which taught me something. For one, I have to boost the job descriptions under my employment description, which is almost non-existent in the first place. Next, I have never thought a lot about asking the interviewer questions, but it DOES matter a lot, as I learnt today.

Oh well, I probably wouldn’t get this job cos they really need someone with experience. After all, they’re setting up a spanking new marketing department and I’m pretty sure they wouldn’t want bumbling new graduate who didn’t even have proper marketing experience during internship. Fortunately I’m only treating today’s interview as a training session for future interviews.

The worst moment of the day didn’t take place during the interview. In fact, the interview was pretty all right for a first-time. The worst moment was when I accidentally stepped on a lady’s bare toes in my heels while on the train. I am still swimming in guilt.

Tomorrow willl be a better day, I hope.

I have not been blogging as much as usual and unfortunately, it isn’t due to the overactive social life I was hoping for. It’s been four days and I am still trying to adjust to the bloody weather. I foresee myself transforming into a nocturnal animal because it’s too hot to be out in the day. The only daytime trip I made was down to Toa Payoh, The Land of Randomly Allocated HDB Block Numbers, to get a badly needed haircut. I’ve only been to Jurong Point and Toa Payoh over these four days. So much for an active social life.

Instead of spending my time out there like a healthy 24 year old (Me! 24! Now!), I have been at home. The domestic manager’s middle finger is bandaged and needs to stay dry. I came back at the perfect time to fill up the position of a domestic assistant manager, cleaning up dishes, helping with the cooking preparations, visiting the market to carry groceries and washing dead animal carcasses meant for cooking. The clean freak in me could no longer stand the miscellaneous traces of filth in the house. So I proceeded to scrub down the dirty kitchen sinks until they shone and sparkled. Then I went on to nag about the miscellaneous junk here and there and about the family’s annoying habits of storing clutter.

Campaign Declutter is now on. I shall brainwash every single soul in the household and turn all of them into fellow clean freaks.

I feel strangely insecure and unsettled over here. It’s strange that I’m feeling insecure when I’m among family and friends and when this is the place I call home.

It might be because I know that over here, I can be vulnerable to different things happening around me and I have limited control over them. It’s different when I live the life of a hermit in Canberra where nothing much can affect me. You know, when you totally (almost) shut off youself, you kind of place yourself in a glass bubble where nothing out there can hit you.

The job search might be another reason too. I feel a little disoriented about what to do with my life. I know, the standard advice is probably to send out a tonne of resumes, try whatever sounds interesting or appealing, go for as many interviews as I can and then choose (if I have choices) the job that would probably make me happiest. I guess I’m just one of those unmotivated, lost souls. The whole job search process can be a lengthy and arduous one and the thought of this puts me off. Yeah, I’m one of those bummers but this phase wouldn’t last long because the need for an income and the inability to stay unemployed for long will drive me towards the classifieds.

Not to mention that the clutter at home is making me a little irritable too. The common areas are cluttered and my room is in a state of disarray from the painfully slow unpacking. I wonder how long I can stay sane in such conditions.

Warning: You know it’s gonna be a long and whiny and emotional post when I start talking about leaving Australia.

It’s been one and a half years.

When I first came over, I came with a lot of anticipation and worry. Anticipation because I would get to spend 1.5 years alone, living by myself and having a lot of freedom. I knew that I would enjoy the stay here because I was going to do something I had chosen to do, instead of being forced into the workforce like everyone else. Besides, I’ve always wanted to study overseas. But I was also worried because I only had a week to look for suitable accomodation and I didn’t know a single soul over here. It was freaking scary.

I had a hard time convincing myself this place would be all right. My eyes nearly fell out of their sockets when the plane landed at the Canberra “International” Airport because for as far as I could see, the whole place was in a shade of ugly brown. I had another scare because the motel I was booked at for the first week was located at the border of Canberra’s civilization and it was surrounded by bushes and grassland browned by the summer heat. There was a bus passing by the motel every hour and it travelled along a wide, deserted road before weaving through a few quiet little suburbs. But I thought the suburbs were sweet little places and I didn’t mind if I had to live in one.

Then I moved into a suburb near the city. While it wasn’t exactly a sweet little suburb, it appeared to be kind of deserted at first. Recently, I met a classmate on the bus while I was heading home. Just before I alighted, she commented, “This place….(looks around) doesn’t look like there are any buildings nearby”. I chuckled and told her it’s just a 5 minute walk from the main roads. It amused me because I had the exact same thoughts when I first came. When I was checking out the place, I froze when I was along the main road because it was lined by a thick patch of tall trees and the ubiquitous bushes. It was as if I would be living next to a mini forest. For someone who grew up in a concrete forest, this sight was frightening.

I don’t know if I would ever be back in Canberra but I know if I do return, there would be a lot of things that will have changed. In my 1.5 years here, they replaced a huge carpark I used to cut across daily with a shiny block of student living quarters. Over a single weekend when I was away in Sydney attending the brother’s graduation, they bulldozed yet another carpark which was the alternative shortcut I had adopted and I have no idea what they’re building there.

After I leave they’ll be demolishing the outdated bus interchange where the neighbourhood mall is and a new bus interchange would be built. They recently repainted the interchange in the corporate colours of the bus company, bright orange and bright green. The place now looks like some kind of kindergarten bus bay.

The bus interchange and the adjacent carpark of the shopping mall freaked me out the first time I saw them. Yeah, I spent my first two weeks here totally freaked out. These two places looked extremely gloomy and dangerous with all the dirty-looking concrete and vandalism. After a couple of weeks I realised they were one of the bigger bus interchanges and shopping malls in Canberra.

The ulu-ness of this place doesn’t scare me that much anymore, it’s kind of refreshing because there are no skyscrapers over here. Sure, I get bored because the nightlife is pathetic (unless I want to spend all my time clubbing and I really don’t) and there isn’t much to do around here. I spend each semester meditating and reflecting, ha. That’s because each time I leave Singapore I bring along with me a lot of issues which I would straighten out here.

I grew to love Canberra and it’s not a good thing. Like I’ve mentioned before, it’s painful having to give up either Singapore or Canberra when I love both places equally much. I’m bringing a lot back with me this time. I’ve gained experiences and knowledge, there are a lot of new thoughts and my mind is a lot lighter than when i came. If I ever hit a difficult time again, I only have to tell myself I survived 1.5 years of being alone, I went through certain anguishes without anyone by my side and yet managed to graduate (hopefully). Besides, I survived stats ;-). Therefore I can handle anything in my life, no?

Oh well, I guess this marks the end of quiet days and peaceful living. It’s hard to say this, but goodbye for now, my second home. I know I’ll miss you lots.

I’m not kidding lah. I NEED an income.

Any potential masters and mistresses out there? Call me anytime from Tuesday onwards if you have something for me! Oh, but I don’t do sales and telemarketing. I can do those, but only if I’m really desperate and even if I take up those jobs, I can’t guarantee I’ll put my heart and soul in it.

Other than being particularly good at data entry, I’m good at almost everything that needs to be done in an office. I’ve also done tutoring, flyer distribution, translation of documents, I’ve conducted surveys through the phone and worked as a helper at a student care centre too. So really, I can be a pretty versatile employee.

p.s. Yeah, there’s an spelling error in the ad. I didn’t say I can always type without mistakes. I swear I know how to spell treacherous. T-R-E-A-C-H-E-R-O-U-S. It’s just a little tricky typing without my glasses.

It was both an exasperating and exhausting day.

Due to the screwed up buyer for the printer, the sale has fallen through. I tried to give him the benefit of the doubt, but his excuses are getting more and more ridiculous. In desperation I called up Cash Converters this morning and was delighted to find out that they’re open on Saturdays. I lugged the printer, placed in a very unglam looking plastic bag, all the way to the store near the shopping mall.

After all the effort, the guy took one look at my printer and told me they only accept 3-in-1 printers or printers with card slots. Imagine my exasperation and fury. I’m sure not everyone wants to buy multipurpose printers or printers with card slots what! Surely there are lots of people like me who prefer tough laserjets which perform the task of printing very well.

Anyway I lugged the printer home and an hour later, lugged it to a fellow Singaporean’s place for storage. That place was the equivalent of Jurong West in Singapore. While waiting for the countrymate to get me from the bus stop I was at, I nearly froze because The Weather Guy Up There decided it would be fun to torture me with gusts of really strong wind. There wasn’t anywhere I could take shelter and I began to curse myself for detaching the additional faux-fur collar on my jacket just before I left my room.

So I spent about two hours at the fellow countrymate’s place making small talk and eating up the lunch he had prepared for me because he had expected me to be hungry by the time I got there. Making small talk is the most tiring thing in socializing. Eating while making small talk, under the watchful eye of another person who had already eaten, is the most tiring way to have a meal.

When I left I had to take the bus from the countrymate’s place to the city before transferring to a bus from the city to my place because the bus network in the suburbs is pathetic and I had missed the only hourly bus by 10 minutes.

I think these explain my fatigue even though it hasn’t been a productive day at all. An intensive day of clearing-and-packing-the-last-items is on the cards for tomorrow. I’m already tired from thinking about tomorrow’s packing and Monday’s travelling. I just want to be teleported back, pronto.

This is how a neat freak packs her luggage.

Everything that can be packed is sitting in the luggage. I should be lugging two check-in and two carry-on pieces of luggage. Did I mention how much I detest travelling with more than one piece of luggage? Just looking at the pile of luggage makes me want to stay put here in the winter. I’ll do anything to avoid the luggage hassle.

I’m exhausted from today’s activities. A morning paper which was not as easy as expected, running around school to pay outstanding library fines, dropping convocation forms here and there, multiple short conversations with classmates (one of them got me to gulp down half a glass of bourbon coke without telling me it wasn’t just coke), a quick trip to the shopping mall, an afternoon of packing. As of 7pm the trash bin is almost filled by all the stuff I’ve dumped and the recycling bin, a-third filled with a year worth of notes and readings. The amount of paper I used in a year was appalling. And there’s still more trash over the next two days!

I hate having to move across borders.

And so I completed the final paper. This deserves some serious celebrations as it might be the last round of academic examinations in my life. I can start shredding lecture notes and burning textbooks. It’s also time to start surfing the net for jobs and hanging on to the classifieds for my dear old life.

With the end of the examinations, I have two days to pack up or dispose of every single item I have here and leave for Singapore. I am wondering how everything’s gonna fit in the luggage. I don’t have a staggering pile of belongings I need to cart back but after one and a half years here, there is bound to be some accumulation of stuff.

I hate last minute packing because I am paranoid of forgetting things. Not that I ever finish packing early, I am one of the greatest procrastinators in life. Right, I’m hoping everything goes smoothly in my last few days. It’ll be yet another miracle if I can get back to Singapore without any hiccups.

yes, they shaped me, again.

sure enough, i need some shaping physically, but not in this unfortunate manner. “shaping” is the pretty term my internet service provider uses when they slow down my connection to that of 56k dial-up speed when i hit the usage limit.

it’s only the 16th but i’ve busted the usage limit for peak hours, damn. i only have remaining usage for non-peak hours, which run from midnight to 7am. i guess i won’t get to watch any more dramas online until i get back to singapore. yeah, yeah i’m supposed to be studying really hard for the exams eh?  but i need entertainment when i study! the alternative is to purchase data blocks but they’re charging me $19.95 and i am a cheapo. there is no way i am gonna fork out the money when i only have a week left to spend here.

life without broadband internet is a downright tragedy.

*%&#&#^@

ally’s worthy companion

it’s weird i’m blogging about saying goodbye to non-living things but i think that happens when a person doesn’t have a normal social life.

i’ve put up my dear printer for sale and the deal seems to be going through. i was contemplating lugging the printer back to singapore cos damn it, i do love this printer! it’s a tough and manly laserjet printer which has seen me through three semesters. three semesters of unreasonable printouts, i’ve chalked up about ten packs of paper, double-sided. it’s such a sweetie, it worked for long hours without any complaints or tantrums at all.

still, i have to let it go because lugging a printer along with a few other bulky and heavy luggage items isn’t a wise thing to do. besides, i wouldn’t have much use for a laser printer at home. we have a sissy inkjet multi-purpose at home. inkjets are sissies, i don’t like them.

oh well, i feel sad having to sell my printer. i think i need to give it a loving hug before it leaves for its new home.

i got this post-it pad from cedele depot last year. they must have put a spell on it cos that christmas eve is one i truly remember. there wasn’t anything much special about that day but it left a deep impression on me. half a year has gone by and that christmas eve afternoon at cedele depot keeps popping up in my mind each time i use up a sheet from this post-it pad.

maybe it was the way i had to hang out at raffles place on christmas eve. the area was a ghost town by late afternoon and i had to hang out till 8pm for the second shift at the redemption counter. most of the shops and cafe were closed and i gratefully found cedele depot open. i was the only customer around and the staff were taking the rest of the day easy. the female manager was bitching about some rebellious employee like a chao ah lian and intruded on my thoughts.

i was scoffing at the tagline on the post-it pad when the staff chucked it into my hands along with the handful of change but damn it, i do vividly remember the christmas eve afternoon spent there.

this is one of the very few christmas eves i still (and want to) remember. it’s totally weird how i’m blogging about a christmas eve which has gone by but i just thought i would, before the post-it pad runs out.

it’s a bizarre day.

i literally hopped out of bed at 7.30am this morning and got all ready to hang out at the school library for a day to catch up on the final deadline. that was when i saw the gloomy day outside and i changed my mind instantly. it’s gonna be a rainy day today and i don’t like cold rainy weather when i’m outside.

still, i had a bowl of warm oats with banana for breakfast. that was after throwing the dirty laundry in the washing machine. whoever does laundry at 8.30am in the morning? tuna sandwiches for lunch today. i feel like a clean AND health freak all of a sudden.

i’m kind of addicted to sandwiches. i had chicken sandwiches with a healthy dose of fresh tomatoes and onions for almost a whole week. then i decided a whole pot of chicken curry would be good for this week cos i’m too lazy to cook. all of a sudden i was staring at the pot of chicken curry yesterday and i don’t feel like having chicken curry anymore. i want more chicken sandwiches.

oh, excuse me while i collect the clean laundry and hang them up before they get all wrinkly.

i think i might turn into a completely insane person by the time i get back to singapore.

the housemate is walking like an elephant upstairs in her room. she goes BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! to and fro, up and down. under normal circumstances i would have cursed and sworn but i can’t this time. it’s not right to do that when she’s got a fracture. she’s gotta be on crutches for six weeks, save our lives.

apparently she fell down at the garden steps on friday night. it’s pitch black out there at night. i was chatting to the president on msn and i heard a loud thump. i continued to laze around on my bed because i heard the housemate’s footsteps a few seconds later. that probably meant that she was still alive and well so i thought nothing about it. yes, i’m a cold-blooded animal, if you haven’t noticed by now.

well, she went to the hospital yesterday and now she’s limping around on two crutches. it’s a little tricky going up and down the stairs on two crutches so i think she threw one of them down the stairs this morning when she was going out. that explains why i was up by 8.30am despite having turned in at 3am this morning.

i wish i can switch rooms with her or something so she can skip the painful trouble of going up and down the stairs, but i guess it’s not a good solution cos we’d have to move all the stuff we need for six weeks. that’s as good as moving the entire room for me since i’ll be leaving in three weeks’ time (damn it). besides, the bathroom is on the second floor so it doesn’t really make a difference.

while i sympathize with her and i’m glad to offer her help in whatever way i can, there’s always this dark cloud forming over my head whenever she goes BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! while i’m trying to work on my readings. this clash of sympathy and resentment is gonna drive me crazy any moment.

i admit i shouldn’t be such a cheapo all the time. it’s just that in these 1.5 years, i’ve been trying to live within a budget and for a spendthrift like me, living within a budget means buying the cheapest item whenever possible.

so i was getting a fresh supply of printing paper at the supermarket a couple of weeks ago. don’t ask me why, but i don’t think anyone in the right mind would buy printing paper at the supermarket. would you buy printing paper from ntuc? besides, there was only one kind of printing paper to choose from - the homebrand version. it was totally suspicious, but never mind, i was desperate to get some paper while buying groceries.

the paper appears gray even next to school printouts. i’ve always saved the free printing quota in school for presentation handouts cos i didn’t like their paper quality. i am anal in that way - the printouts i use have to be printed on decent paper.

and this paper has a smelly-paper-smell. fortunately i only have one last assignment to work on and some final pre-exams-stuff to print. otherwise i think i’ll die from the Ugly Paper Syndrome.

it’s 1pm now and i don’t feel like drawing the blinds to let some light in, mainly because it’s a crazy 11 degrees celcius out there and i don’t even want to go near the windows. i don’t want to switch on the heater cos i hate having the heater on when it’s supposedly bright and sunny out there. it’s one of those days i feel like just lazing around and lying under the warm sun like a contented cat but damn it, there’s absolutely zero warmth out there.

yes, i’m blabbering in the usual cranky way and i blame it on the poor sleep i had last night.

yes, i’ve been waking up very early in the mornings. or rather, i go to sleep in the early evenings and wake up in the middle of the night to work on deadlines. it’s easier to focus in the wee hours of the morning than the usual waking hours, probably because i’m distracted by endless msn conversations and emails streaming in throughout the day.

and yes, it’s condensation on the window panes again. the daily sight of condensed windows means that frosted grass may appear soon.

i do wonder if i’ll get to see frosted grass again before i leave canberra.

someone was asking to take a look at my melbourne photographs but i declined, mainly because i didn’t take many. it’s been a long time since i had the chance to put my heart and soul into taking pictures. somehow i don’t like the look of photos i take when i’m not in the phototaking mood. the pictures usually turn out to be boring and flat.

there are some amazing photographers out there (professional, of course) who inject so much feeling inside their masterpieces it just connects you to them. i was browsing the touristy items in melbourne 360 when i saw this photo calendar. each and every picture was oozing loneliness and depression of a city soul. i couldn’t get through all the photos in the calendar cos it was too depressing. i thought it was a bit overwhelming but i still do like a healthy dose of feeling in photography.

then i came across this postcard selling at a rip curl store in melbourne city. it was a picture taken by sean scott. i had no idea who he was until i came home and googled his name. but there and then, i stood there for a long time, transfixed. i would have bought the postcard but one of the corners was slightly dog-eared. i can’t help but go for perfection when i buy pretty things.

with the lack of interest to pick up photography tips and skills i don’t think i’ll ever come up with a kickass masterpiece. the more i look at previous pictures i was happy with, the more flaws i see in those pictures. it’s not good to be too anal, eh?

anyway, i’m thinking of getting a new camera when i am comfortably employed. i love my lumix, but it has its limitations, especially its image quality. most of the time, i have to boost (a lot) the colours after i upload the images to my laptop. besides, i’m paranoid of my lumix breaking down on me, though it shows no signs of doing so. my lumix is probably around 5 years old? i don’t want to be left without a camera.

i want to go out there and take photos.

*whines

and so i was trying to let in some lovely morning light.

i am in a good morning-mood from 15 hours of sleep. usually i’m so grumpy in the mornings i live like boo radley (in darkness and reclusion) for the rest of the day.

you know what condensation on the windows mean?

it’s damn bloody cold out there in the mornings. yes, winter has crept up on me and for the time being, i’m welcoming it with open arms.

i was beaming with pride that i actually woke up at 8.30am without setting an alarm even though i slept at like, 2am the previous night. so i did my weekly groceries shopping bright and early and came back to log on to msn, wanting to share my sudden joy with everyone.

it was 10.30am singapore time and not many were online. it took me a while to realise that it was vesak day, dang.

i hate public holidays because my msn list becomes deserted and i can’t blabber.

oh well, hope everyone had a good day yesterday.

it suddenly dawned on me i shouldn’t be whining and wallowing in misery so much. victims of the earthquake in china and cyclone in myanmar have lost their homes and loved ones, or even their lives. what have i lost so far? nothing much, i guess.

there is so much i should be thankful for. i am doing something i chose to do, i have a comfortable place to live in, plenty to keep my tummy full and lots of people who care about me. i am living a good life, am i not?

it’s been a long time since i’ve contributed to the less fortunate, other than the occasional monetary donations. i’m glad i took the initiative to ask if i could provide any help to a charitable cause and i’m keeping my fingers crossed i have time to work on the project.

sheesh, it’s so unlike me to be saying things like that. but hey, there’s more to the cynical, taunting person you’ve always known!

right, gotta save the world from now on. with a smile to boot!

i need to curl up in a cushy couch surrounded by tonnes of cushions with a book and a kickass mug of coffee. or to walk aimlessly among strangers in a crowded shopping belt. or to sit at a bus stop waiting for the pouring rain to stop.

a break would be fantastic at this time but all i can do for myself is to declare a pathetic off-day, just one day. i think i’ll be glad when the deadlines are over. there are just five more to go. just five more, i think i can survive.

i’m hoping the next week will be all bubbles and beer and all things happy.

this is the first time i’m considering giving up on my assignment. i just can’t handle so many things at this time, i can’t. i thought nothing will ever bring me down cos i’m supposed to be tough and rational and all that crap, but i’m not so sure now.

i’m tired from trying, tired from juggling so many things, tired from thinking, tired from being me.

it’s been a long time since i was genuinely happy without major worries and troubles.

5 days of non-productivity because:

1) i was in sydney from friday to monday, during which i spent most of the time around the city with the parents and the brother. i only realised how much australia is gonna tug at my heart strings when i return to the sunny island. i totally loved visiting those familiar places in sydney. revisiting those landmarks was like seeing old friends again. i wonder how i’m gonna cope not being in australia.

i was in a little argument with my dad over the issue of my convocation. he REALLY wants to attend it and i am trying all ways and means to wriggle out of it. i can’t think of any reason why i would go through so much trouble just to don the graduation gown. but because my dad wants to attend my convocation so badly, i’m reconsidering my decision.

2) played tour guide for two days when my parents visited canberra. i sucked at the task cos i got lost most of the time (thank god for the GPS device we rented) and i couldn’t even recommend decent food. oh well, i’ve been a geeky student for the past year.

but it was definitely fun and uber cool driving around in the rented car. i’m still trying to get used to only having to move the right foot when controlling the brake and accelerator. there were many occasions i caught myself having a foot on each pedal. i also forgot there’s such a thing called a handbrake and i actually drove from the city to the airport without releasing the handbrake. the route from the city to the airport took about 15 minutes but there were a hell lot of roundabouts and i nearly got into an accident at one. it has been a long time since i entered a roundabout and i forgot i was supposed to stop for vehicles coming from my right. such a terrible driver i was yesterday morning, thank goodness for the amazingly friendly and forgiving drivers in canberra)

right, i now have a 20 page essay to submit in 16 hours’ time and i only started on it 3 hours ago. i can’t even concentrate on the damn essay because there are ten million things going through my mind.

i’m trying, i really am.

i’m getting all pensive again, over the same old issues, the same old thoughts.

i hate the way the same old things haunt my mind.

it’s that time of the semester when stress starts to build up, but it seems to have started a lot earlier this semester. i go to bed thinking about assignments and having to wake up early to clear assignment preparations. then i would wake up countless times in the middle of the night, scaring myself awake. it’s either because i had a totally ridiculous but frightening nightmare or that i thought i had overslept and it was time to wake up and clear the damned work. sometimes i lie in bed drifting in and out of sleep while waiting for morning to come so that i can get out of bed in peace (yes, the irony) and begin work for the day.

this kind of sleeping pattern has been haunting me for a couple of years, mostly when i’m stressed or troubled. i wonder what happened to the sleeping bug in me that put me to sleep anytime, anywhere, for long stretches of time. gone were the days i could just lie down and sleep peacefully for 16 hours every other day.

say hi to the new owl.

for some unknown reason, there is no running water in the kitchen or bathroom. the house owner isn’t in so i can’t go bug them about things.

i can’t wash my empty thermos cup, wash the damned potato i was planning to cook for dinner, i can’t rinse the tomato or wash my hands while preparing dinner and i can’t wash dishes if i have dinner. i can’t pee either cos i wouldn’t be able to flush the toilet or wash my hands.

this is worse than those water rationing exercises they used to conduct when i was a kid. how come they don’t have anymore of those exercises ah? i thought it was pretty fun having to (watch my mum / brother) bring buckets to the void deck so that they can get some water for the entire day. or was it that the water supply was cut for about half a day and we would have to fill up buckets and basins with water before that? my memory’s a little fuzzy about this, was it just my imagination?

hmm. is this a real emergency now?

hello there, i’m now two hours ahead of Singapore! that’s a good thing cos one hour does make a difference. i hate it when the three hours’ time difference obstructs me from chatting online with people.

and like i know i should be calling my dad just to keep him updated on my life (otherwise he’ll nag and nag and nag) but i can only call him late at night. after a day of research articles my brain is reduced to pulp and i can’t stay awake for late night phone conversations. now that it’s daytime, i’m waiting for my cordless phone battery to charge. -_-||

one thing i hate about daylight savings is that i have to go around setting clocks and watches back by one hour. only ally is nice enough to set herself back by one hour, the rest of the gadgets and stuff have zero initiative, bah.

for the past two days my broadband connection has slowed to a trickle during daytime. by “trickle” i mean the download speed is now 10% of the usual speed and let’s not even talk about the time i take to load webpages or stream movies. the speed only starts to pick up after midnight.

i seriously thought the internet provider screwed up agan. i was cursing and swearing about the bills i pay and the service i get, etc. etc. until i saw the date. 31st march. hmm, end of the month. but it can’t be because i’ve exceeded the usage limit, right? i’ve never exceeded the limit before.

still, i did a check and what a genius i am, the limit has been exceeded indeed. fortunately i checked the option to slow down the internet speed instead of getting charged for extra usage when i hit the limit. otherwise i’d be forking out a neat sum of money and i’d never know.

it’s strange i exceeded the limit for daytime use cos hey, i wake up around noon everyday? i guess it’s probably because i tried listening to internet radio (for less than two hours in total!), cos i’ve been using the internet as much as i usually do.

oh well, i’m glad tomorrow is a fresh new day of april. usage limit’s gonna start on a clean new slate again!

four days of rest and i finally did some constructive things today. for most of the easter break, i was convincing myself to pick up the readings and notes. or watching crunchyroll. or sleeping. weather’s been really nice to sleep in. summer ended abruptly and the temperature just plunged over a couple of days.

oh well, at least i’ve done some readings and made some notes which will come in handy for the weekly quizzes and mid-semester quiz. the mid-semester quiz is gonna be held on a thursday, instead of during friday classtime. best thing is, the mid-semester quiz is gonna clash with another class and there’s at least 5 people affected. i wonder how and i wonder why.

i also did up a resume because if i don’t, i don’t think i ever will. come april i’ll be slogging away to meet deadlines and i wouldn’t be free until june. come june and july i’ll be busy packing up to leave this place (despite my reluctance) and besides, it’s a little difficult fighting with all the fresh grads in july.

so i sent my resume to P&G to apply for a couple of positions too. i don’t expect to be hired by P&G, but it’s worth a try. i guess i should start bombing the corporate world with my half-done resumes. half-done cos i don’t have access to my ‘A’ levels and ‘O’ levels certificates but i don’t think they’re that important anyway.

hmm, fingers crossed for the first proper job in my life.

freaking pissed with the house owner’s daughter. her parents are away for two weeks and each time they’re away, she brings some friends home. it’s all right if they hang out and make some noise, but the last time she brought them back, they were blasting music late in the night.

now, they’re screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming and screaming.

seriously, it pisses me off big time.

在東京鐵塔　第一次眺望
看燈火模仿　墜落的星光
我終於到達　但卻更悲傷
一個人完成　我們的夢想

你總說　時間還很多　你可以等我
以前我不懂得　未必明天　就有以後

想念是會呼吸的痛　它活在我身上所有角落
哼你愛的歌會痛　看你的信會痛　連沈默也痛

遺憾是會呼吸的痛　它流在血液中來回滾動
後悔不貼心會痛　恨不懂你會痛　想見不能見最痛

沒看你臉上　張揚過哀傷
那是種多麼　寂寞的倔強
你拆了城牆　讓我去流浪
在原地等我　把自己捆綁

你沒說　你也會軟弱　需要倚賴我
我就裝不曉得　自由移動　自我地過

我發誓不再說謊了　多愛你就會抱你多緊的
我的微笑都假了　靈魂像飄浮著　你在就好了

我發誓不讓你等候　陪你做想做的無論什麼
我越來越像貝殼　怕心被人觸碰　你回來那就好了

能重來那就好了

i FINALLY figured out how to tune in to fm 93.3 over the Internet. before this there was some problems cos ally just couldn’t communicate with the damned thing. now everything’s running fine!

it’s been a really long time since i listened to the radio station and man, am i glad to listen to some music with commercials and human speech in between. yeah there’s loads of bubblegum pop on the radio station but heck lah, i’m connected to the world!

i have a craving for the crazy thunderstorms in the sunny island of singapore. yeah so i’ve heard there’s this bout of rain weather thanks to the la nino thingy.

it’s been so freaking hot here i can feel the sun burning my unprotected skin when i’m out there. even though it rained a couple of days ago, it was just a sissy thunderstorm. lots of strong winds and dark skies but the rainfall was pathetic.

so i want those fierce tropical thunderstorm when the rain just beats down heavily and goes on forever. even if it might rain every single day of the week and that pedestrians may get trapped in the damned rain. when i have to take the long way home cos the shortcut will be all muddy and slippery.

it must be because i was working at change alley during the monsoon season last year. i could get from place to place underground and somehow the rain just didn’t get to me.

it’s been a long time since i got drenched.

“there’s something about yanyan you need to know”, my lecturer told my two discussion group mates when i was writing down points on a transparency sheet.

in pure shock, i looked up at her, expecting her to tell them something terrible about my anti-social behaviour or weird habits.

“she has nice handwriting and she can write straight across the paper!”

and the other group mate who was my classmate from last semester (more on ex-classmates next time) nodded his head vigorously and added that i wrote very quickly despite being left-handed.

i let out a huge sigh of relief before thanking her for her compliment.

but seriously, i think they should visit singapore, where half the female population has kick-ass handwriting. over there, i’m one of the very few with decent handwriting. angmohs don’t seem to give a damn about their handwriting. as for international students, it might be because English is not the first language for most of them and they’re just not used to writing in English. can you believe it? English is my first language? it took me some time to register this fact last semester when we were talking about people’s first languages for a group project.

during my first semester an aussie female classmate who sat next to me gave me a big fright when she gasped and reeled in surprise. turned out that she was very impressed with my handwriting. -_-|| come on, my handwriting is only above average among the people i know.

lastly, what’s up with the misconception about left-handers writing slowly? we’ve been writing with our left handers ever since we held a pencil, of course we can write as fast as you right-handers!

yeah, i agree i have itchy fingers.

i saw this spider about 1.5cm in length crawling on the wall about a metre away in front of me. it was gonna hide under the huge winnie-the-pooh bear cloth banner on the wall but i decided to chase it away. so i tapped on the wall next to it.

out of shock (or poor balance) the spider fell off the wall and it’s somewhere around. maybe it’s crawling behind the desk, along the cables, on the floor.

what if the damned spider is poisonous?

die lah, i don’t think i can sleep in peace tonight.

the curious spider came out of its hiding place towards me (i suspect it wanted to see what i wrote about it) at top speed and i let it crawl around a little, away from ally and my pile of readings before i squashed it.

goodbye, spider. rest in peace.

since 8pm last night i’ve been down on my luck.

ok, maybe i wasn’t so smart at times but in general, nothing went right for me.

1) when i was preparing my dinner, i intelligently started up the microwave, electrical kettle and toaster oven at the same time, which were all plugged in to the same electrical point as the fridge. so the damn power went off and i didn’t know there was this magical fuse button on the electrical socket itself. i had to wait for an hour for the landlord to return home before we figured out that it wasn’t the main power switch that screwed up.

2) i woke up 3 hours later than intended and started to finish up the presentation slides for today. not surprising, cos i am a lazy bum and this always happens to me.

3) i finished the slides at 6am in the morning and had an hour to nap before preparing for the morning class. i set the alarm clock at the wrong time and woke up when class was over.

4) i finally woke up at 11.30am thinking class was at 2pm. something made me check the timetable and bloody hell, class is at 1pm! so i had to rush through everything cos i wanted to print the handouts in school, get lunch, etc. etc.

5) i got out of the house at 12.10pm and realised the freaking stretch of road outside the house was being re-tarred. there was no way i could cross the road to reach the bus stop without ruining my kickass puma shoes. the tar was still in a liquid state! there wasn’t any “next nearest bus stop” unless i wanted to spend about an hour walking to school. so i walked a super long way to get back to the bus stop, in the bloody hot weather.

6) i missed four buses while making the detour to the damned bus stop and had to wait for seven minutes.

7) the printer in several computer labs in the business faculty were out of order. this always happens to me when i desperately need to print handouts.

i ate my lunch, printed the handouts and lecture slides in 10 mins and went up to class. another class had just ended. which is freaking weird cos i arrived 15 minutes earlier last week and there wasn’t a soul in the classroom. so i took out my timetable to triple-check.

9) class is at 2pm.

ok, that wasn’t meant to be a smileyface. i’m currently spewing vulgarities, definitely not in a mood to smile. that’s what happens when i type a number eight with the bracket sign.

10) at 6.30pm: i am tamade hungry and i have to feed on leftovers. i hate leftovers.

11) at 10pm: i suspect the screens of my room has a hole in it or something. my room is invaded by all those tiny little buggers which fling themselves towards the desk lamp.

i can be extremely obsessed at times.

other than my wardrobe and clothes pegs which are lined up according to colours, i make sure i’m colour coordinated as much as possible. of course, this isn’t always possible because i have very little clothes and accessories to match. this also explains why i’m in black most of the time.

but even when i’m at home, i subconsciously ensure that my clothing is colour coordinated whenever i can. like how that particular orange t-shirt has to match that pair of black fbt shorts with the emblem in the exact similar shade of orange. otherwise i’ll be in agony for the rest of the day.

i think i’m getting increasingly anal about things as i get older.

i’m physically exhausted from all the running around but the promise of good times lure me away from home. my schedule always gets increasingly packed as flight dates near but damn it, i love running here and there meeting everyone and doing the last minute purchases. it just gives me a sense of purpose. darn, if i have to rely on this to feel the sense of purpose, there is no hope left for my life.

but anyway, i’ll probably be in canberra or one of the airports the next time i blog.

i’m seriously gonna miss everyone (i’m already missing everyone) who means something to me. if i haven’t been talking as much as i did before, it’s because i’ve just gotten used to being quiet. the silences are pretty comfortable for me, even if it freaked some of you out. but it’s still the same loud, screeching laughter you hear, isn’t it?

right, i’m trying to convince myself i’ve packed every single thing i need into the damn luggage. i hate packing, it’s such a pain in the ass. i hope i’ve remembered every damned thing.  i’m sure the return flight will still somehow screw up, cos i always screw up at some point in time.

i’m keeping my fingers crossed the journey back will be safe lah.

i bought a new pair of sneakers for chinese new year. there weren’t any kickass puma sneakers on sale and the kickass sneakers i saw were beyond budget so i settled for these, which happened to be sneakers i’ve been wanting to buy for a few years and miraculously, there was a 50% discount.

never mind that they’re not kickass and that they’re actually quite common. i still like them pretty much. so much that i have the habit of looking at them while i walk. while i stand. while i sit.

so a couple of days ago, i was walking to the office pantry, with my eyes fixed on the dream shoes that are finally mine. i was so engrossed and yet, familiar enough with the office to walk without looking ahead.

and so i almost walked right into my boss. almost, to the extent of my spiky hair touching his back.

gotta kick this very bad habit of mine.

i was mentally prepared to collect ally towards the end of next week, as the counter staff at epicentre helpfully pointed out that “all the technicians have gone home for the chinese new year and repair work will only start on the 11th”.

on saturday when i left my laptop there, i received a call in the afternoon asking for my password so that he can access ally. i was a little grumpy cos hey, i wrote it down on the instructions sheet whaaat. but oh well, it was a good thing they started the repairs early.

to my absolute surprise, they called me this afternoon to inform me that ally was all ready to go home. wheee! that’s like, two working days in all? of course i dashed down to epicentre to collect ally even though it meant giving up an hours’ pay. to the hell with the miserly $7 i could have earned.

now ally is back on my laps and man, i am one happy person.

i’ve finally completed the annual chinese new year apparel shopping. it’s usually a pain-in-the-ass mission for me cos i’m not exactly regular sized and it’s hard finding clothes that i like and yet, fit me.

worse, there’s this huge craze with certain baggy designs and big sparkly things on collars this year. or clothes that go with leggings. i can’t wear super baggy tops and dresses cos i look pregnant in them. can’t wear leggings cos i have hams for legs. hate those clothes with big shiny things sewn on them.

i admit i wasn’t in the best of moods this afternoon and when i start to shop during such moods, i go on a crazy rampage and become a lot more flexible with my budget. so yah, my heart is aching cos there goes a huge portion of my salary, which just came in yesterday.

oh well, i’m still glad i’m done with the shopping and that most of my clothes match with the pair of new adidas shoes i bought.

my heart and soul is also aching for the time i’m gonna spend without ally. i’m sending her to the repair centre cos the cooling fan within her doesn’t run most of the time when it should. i should have done so a lot earlier, but hell, i’m a procrastinator. the warranty’s expiring this sunday so ally has to check in by this saturday. amazingly, epicentre will take 5 working days to repair ally. with the fantastic chinese new year timing, the next time i’ll see ally would be approximately 10 days later.

i miss ally already.

i don’t like it when people keep things from me. not their own secrets or personal affairs, not everyone might feel comfortable sharing some details about themselves. what i mean are things that involve me and thus, i have the right to know.

i seriously hate it.

i’m slightly pissed with / affected by quite some stuff going on and yet there’s nothing i can do. i kind of wish everything was simpler, like they were a few years back. those were the days i only had to be bothered by school, if i ever felt like it.
i’ve been thinking through a few things these days and man, was i glad to have an afternoon all to myself today. it was a pity i had to be distracted by the shopping mission i was on.

guess it’s time for another day off with a cup of coffee. i have doubts about getting a day off though.

there are just about ten million things i need to do and i’m too lazy to do them. blogging is one of them but then again, there isn’t much i can blog about. work’s been boring and sufficient to keep me occupied during overtime hours.

i’m glad it’s the weekend cos i went out with the colleagues on thursday and because we are a bunch of busybodies i reached home after midnight. thus explaining our zombified appearances and movements on friday. friday turned out to be a roller coaster day cos i thought i could leave office early after cleaning up my data entry. due to some miraculous events i left the office at 10pm. no complains though, i welcome extra income any time.

despite the strong urge to just stay at home the entire day, i forced myself to hit town in search of the elusive chinese new year clothes. i ended up not buying a lot of clothes i liked, don’t ask me why. all i bought after five hours of shopping was a black blouse for work and a pink namecard holder for my friend.

i am a doomed shopper.

i still have to reply emails, figure out which courses to take next semester, call up the hairdresser, chase after payment for my previous work stints, wrap a present, write a card and send both items to taiwan, buy clothes and shoes, meet up with people i haven’t met for ages, etc. etc.

if nothing goes wrong with the office-tussle over there, i’ll be working with the neighbour-in-black and admin head again. for the fourth time, in the same office. wow.

i’m trying to work out how i’m gonna cope with a regular routine again. it’s been a year since i lived that kind of life - waking up at 6.30am, having lunch at 12.30pm, going home at 6pm. doing the same old things every single day, five days a week.

woah.

but for the money, i’d put up with anything.

it’s 2008 and i refuse to do a recap on 2007 cos that’s what everybody does and besides, i’m lazy.

but there’s plenty of things i need to do in 2008:

1) pay off some debts before i fly off for my last semester

2) figure out why i’m such a procrastinator, how i can stop being such an idiotic procrastinator

3) work my ass off for the final semester which might be the very last semester in my entire life

4) find a fantastic job when i return

5) pay off more debts

yeah that’s about all i can think of for the time being.

and to start off the year, i’m proud to declare that i’ve figured things out. i am happy again.

right, let’s hope 2008 will be a good year!

the bro’s wedding ceremony and banquet are finally over. still catching up on sleep, especially after the new year eve hangout session which ended early this morning. my first taste of moet champagne in ritz carlton. for free, folks, i haven’t struck the lottery. we were just trying to get a good view of the fireworks display and my boss had good contacts, i would say. the fireworks were waaaaay disappointing though.

second round of ktv last night and we ended late. fortunately my mum was too tired to notice my empty bed in the middle of the night. gotta slow down on the extreme late night sessions a little cos my survival policy is to do everything in moderation.

wouldn’t be watching any horror movies in the near future cos bloody hell, i got damn frightened by the movie i am legend. freaking scary scenes of the infected human beings. i swear it’s the first time i’m so frightened by a movie. i was covering my eyes and cowering in the seat, like what any chao gu niang would do. there goes my image and reputation.

damn it, i need more sleep.

i hate it when there’s tension in the family. dinner today was more or less silent.  since i couldn’t make peace i concentrated on eating my food without speaking.

i need to go for some alcohol to destress. sometimes it can be freaking stressful being part of the family.

because i love myself very much i shall post the only picture i’ll post of myself with the cute straight bangs hair. the bangs were a little messed up in this picture cos i couldn’t care less and cos seahyiyi sneakily took this picture while i was trying to destress from a conversation with the boss, who was a stranger to me at that time.

yah lah yah lah, my face very the big and round but to the hell with it. i’ve resigned to that fact. if i’m gonna post only pretty pictures of myself, there will never be any picture.

and today, a regular favourite customer of mine was awed by my new hair! she showed her extremely strong preference for the “new” hairstyle and i was pretty amused. i guess it’s really new and cool from her point of view but this is so usual for myself and people who have known me for some time. after all, i’ve had this hairstyle for almost three years.

the favourite customer squealed in excitement when she saw the earrings and we started talking about online shopping and earrings like nobody’s business. it’s a great feeling knowing my earrings are seen and admired cos it was one of the reasons why i chopped off the excess hair in the first place.

it’s customers like that that brightens up my day.

i don’t think i can hold out any much longer. i want to just let go of my emotions and cry if i have to, but i can’t. it’s as if i’ve forgotten how to cry. maybe it’s too strong a habit of mine to hold everything in and hang on there till things straighten out.

i have no idea what i’ll do once i reach the breaking point. i know for sure i wouldn’t be confiding in anyone soon. i know for sure i won’t blog about what’s bugging me. i don’t want to try and figure things out cos the more i think about it, the worse it gets. it’s worse at night cos it’s pretty quiet at night and i start thinking. there’s only that many things i can distract myself with and once i lie down on my bed, it starts to haunt me again. which is why i have to completely tire myself out before attempting to sleep. or, down two of the powerful anti-nausea pills for travel motion cos they knock me out in half an hour.

once again, avoiding the issue might be the solution but it’s hard. i suppose it’ll get better when i leave for the next semester. i miss the inner peace i usually have down under, so much that i felt this painful urge last night. the challenge is remaining unaffected. for once, it’s no thanks to technology.

am i supposed to bravely hang on for another two months?

the kind suffocation that i’m experiencing, is it normal?

i had every intention to take one picture of my hair before i went to chop it off. it would serve as a memory in future when i reminisce about “the time i had cute, straight bangs”. unfortunately i returned home late last night with my mascara badly smudged and was obviously in no condition for a picture. the haircut appointment was pretty early this morning so my hair was barely dry before i left the house.

there goes, i have almost no evidence of that hairstyle.

i had a love-hate relationship with that hairstyle. in a way, it was easier cos i didn’t have to style it. but the straight bangs always went out of place and i had to have a comb with me at all times. bad hair days would also make me look like some mushroom head. to avoid bad hair days, my hair had to be totally dry before i went to sleep and man, despite the short length, my hair is thick enough to piss me off while waiting for it to dry. having that hairstyle also meant that i needed to have smooth, silky hair, and i didn’t. it was a painful experience looking in the mirror on bad hair days.

my spikes (again!) require styling. which means i have to wash my hair a lot more often to get rid of the hair wax, bah. but messed-up hair also means less bad hair days and tadah, no more combs!

it’s such a joyous occasion today.

i made my first blood donation today!! wheeeee!

i’ve always wanted to donate blood but they just didn’t conduct those blood donation drives anywhere near me. so there was this donation drive at raffles place mrt today and cos i was on my way to bugis during my break, i dropped by.

i was very much amused by their persistence in having me do certain things. like how the lady at the registration counter insisted i should wear the first-time donor sticker on my blouse “so that the nurses would be kind and more gentle with me”. it made me wonder if they would be violent and fierce if i didn’t do so. then the uncle persisted in having me sit down to drink a packet of milo before i left even though i had already rested for a while. all i really wanted to do was to head for bugis.

i was also very amused by the little pump that they gave me and which was used during the blood donation process. quite cute what. the needle wasn’t so funny though. i saw the suspicious plastic thingy which could only mean one thing - a big fat needle hidden within. so i asked the lady in alarm if it would hurt more than the first injection of painkiller. thank goodness it didn’t hurt.

this bandaging guy rested my arm against his tummy while he was bandaging the elbow area despite my discomfort. but i let it go cos he was obviously new at his job. the first time he bandaged my arm, there were gaps between the tight rounds of bandaging and lumps of my surplus flesh appeared between the gaps. i didn’t have the heart to ask him to re-bandage it when he asked if it was fine but he did re-bandage it when his colleague walked by and saw the ugliness of the bandaging.

the next time round i’ll ask for the coloured bandages. they’re so much cooler! but then again, that’s if those blood donation drives appear anywhere near me. the process is quite fun after all. besides, the blood donation people are really nice and friendly!

in less than a week i’ve turned from the most manly female friend the msian can ever have into a clingy, whinny, temperamental cow, something like a chao gu niang experiencing PMS. it’s driving me crazy too, cos i have this weird habit of forcing myself to behave like how i usually do despite the internal turmoils. the mood swings are killing me, really.

i need plenty of me-time and coffee sessions to think and break away from the whirlpool. fact is, i only have 3.5 hours to myself and it’s constantly interrupted by demanding shoppers who want to know why the redemption booth isn’t open throughout the day.

even during the 4 hours when the booth is opened, i feel like snapping at the customers and go, “go away, don’t disturb me just for the sake of redeeming that bloody notebook!” fortunately there’s only one and a half weeks to go before the christmas redemption ends.

i don’t know. too many complicated things to explain.

maybe it’s just me making every single thing complicated. just like how i’m torn between chopping my hair off to return to longer spikes or to retain this straight-bangs hairstyle.

sometimes i wish i lead a boring life and with no difficult choices to make.

i was reading crime and punishment the other day and there was some quote from someone saying something like humans are always scared to try something new. or something like that, just let me find that again in a couple of days’ time.

coincidentally i think i found another side of me and i’m kinda frightened to know that it exists. it was already difficult making the comparatively easy choice to further studies instead of working like the rest of the world and now, i’ve found something deeper, darker and scarier.

i hate things which i can’t figure out. i hope it’s just a novelty and would go away soon. otherwise, i’ll be in deep shit for a really long time.

*****

i can’t stand rainy weather on working days. cos to use the free wireless network, i have to sit right under the air vents at the redemption booth. this position is almost the only place where the reception is reasonably strong and stable. but it’s no joke enduring the super strong wind for hours when the weather is already cool and windy. it bloody hell dries out my contact lensed eyes too.

i have to keep reminding myself not to play with fire. i don’t want to be burnt, i don’t want others to be hurt.

life’s pretty good and stable now and i shouldn’t be doing anything to jeopardize it, especially totally crazy things. i can’t afford to give up what i already have now.

for the past few nights i’d go to sleep thinking that i’ll wake up fit as a fiddle again.

yesterday i woke up at 5am and felt like puking. the malaysian karaoke girl (royally named by rama) asked me if i could stop saying that i feel like puking each time just before i meet her. then i survived the invigilation pretty well and went home with the intention of catching a quick nap before the dinner. it was not to be cos i had barely slept for 15 minutes before my mum rushed me into getting ready. sheesh.

the dinner, organised by the clan association my dad belongs to, was long and boring. they had those getai singers performing and there was one who was particularly bad at making conversation on stage:

performer: it’s so touching to see the clan association celebrate its 70th anniversary!

host: blahblahblah

performer: oh, i am so touched to see your [host] long, toned arms!

siao one lah, the performer. and there was this 15 year old performer who had such a mature voice it was scary. she was belting out all the old hokkien songs with such melodrama the scene was quite wrong. she’s only 15 years old, for heaven’s sake!

my dad and i must have been infected by someone from dinner, cos we’re down with colds now. fantastic way to wrap up the dry and scratchy throat and the on-and-off fever.

i think i die-die also have to turn up for work tomorrow too. the “boss” was saying she’ll busy this week with other stuff and it wouldn’t be nice taking sick leave and leaving all the work there. i think it’s a lesser evil to infect the smelly shentonites who i interact with. more about my new calefare job and the shentonites another day.

i’ve passed this semester with two distinctions and two credits! the results are not as good as last semester’s, but at least i’m over and done with two of the scariest courses.

one scary course to go in the last semester, before i say goodbye to academic life.

life’s been a little hectic especially now that i’ve taken on another project. i’m helping my bro with his wedding dinner photo collage video. it was painful watching what he did so i offered my services, at a reasonable cost of course. i seldom do things for free. it’s pretty fun doing these, i just don’t like the numbness in my arms from using the mouse for too long.

another busy week to go. i’m still unemployed and looking for a full time temporary job, by the way.

it’s always good if i don’t blog when i have lots of free time. it means i’ve actually gone out to meet people and that my social life isn’t decomposing.

the past few days were spent….eating, watching the dinosaur-doraemon (yes, the dinosaur is deliberately placed before doraemon) movie, shopping at daiso vivo, shopping at daiso imm, eating and finally, mahjong. i lead a sedentary life but hey, at least i made the effort to get out of jurong west. it’s always good to have kampung buddies like the seahyiyi and mf cos they’ll either travel the whole bloody distance with me or vote for jurong west gatherings.

i officially declare myself as a mahjong player at the beginner level. meaning i have to ask the other players every now and then which “wind” direction and which “number” i am. meaning i exasperate other people by doing a lot of reversal actions cos i’ve thrown the wrong tile, took the wrong tile at the wrong time, etc. etc.. meaning i keep shouting “AH!” instead of “pung!” or “hu!” when i draw a good tile. oh well, at least i’m pretty entertaining, or so i think.

tomorrow’s gonna be an intensive present-searching day. my dad is giving us daily reminders about his birthday and it’s funny how he thinks everyone isn’t getting him anything at all and blah blah blah. now i know why i’m so nonsensical and greedy (in terms of food). i hate getting presents for the male species cos there’s so limited things i can get. utterly boring.

a lot more social activities coming up and no, no photos allowed until my next haircut.

by this time most people would have gotten news of the latest calamity - my hair.

after some consideration i made up my mind to be adventurous and do something different. so different that i’m really regretting it now. it takes a lot of courage and confidence to step out of my house now, can?

aiyah, but then hair grows, doesn’t it? i’ll get over it soon.

day 2 back at home. my room resembles